Improving sentences

NUST NET (Engineering) · English · Grammar and usage. A short explanation of the idea, the rules to remember, the mistake to avoid, a worked example and practice questions with answers.

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The idea

You are given a sentence and four versions of it, and must choose the best one. The best version is correct first, then clear, then short. Never choose a version just because it sounds formal or is longer.

Start by naming the fault in the original. The usual ones are a fragment (not a complete sentence), a run-on or comma splice (two sentences wrongly joined), a describing phrase attached to the wrong noun, wrong punctuation, and wasted words.

Then eliminate. Cross out every option that keeps the fault or adds a new one. If two options are both correct, take the one that says the same thing in fewer words without changing the meaning.

Rules to remember

Common mistake

Students fix a comma splice by adding 'however' after the comma, which leaves two sentences joined by a comma. Test each side of the join: if both can stand alone, a comma is not enough.

Worked example

Choose the best version of this sentence:
The generator was repaired on Monday, however it failed again two days later.
A. The generator was repaired on Monday, however, it failed again two days later.
B. The generator was repaired on Monday; however, it failed again two days later.
C. The generator was repaired on Monday however it failed again two days later.
D. The generator being repaired on Monday, however failing again two days later.

  1. Name the fault: 'The generator was repaired on Monday' and 'it failed again two days later' are both complete sentences, joined only by a comma.
  2. A adds a comma after 'however' but still joins two sentences with a comma. C removes all punctuation and is a run-on.
  3. D has no finite verb ('being', 'failing'), so it is a fragment.
  4. B puts a semicolon between the two sentences and a comma after 'however', which is correct.

Answer: B. The generator was repaired on Monday; however, it failed again two days later.

Practice questions

Try each one, then open the answer.

1. Choose the best version of this sentence:
The monsoon arrived early this year, many farmers had not finished harvesting their wheat.

  1. A
    The monsoon arrived early this year, many farmers had not finished harvesting their wheat.
  2. B
    The monsoon arrived early this year, before many farmers had finished harvesting their wheat.
  3. C
    The monsoon arrived early this year and many farmers, they had not finished harvesting their wheat.
  4. D
    The monsoon arriving early this year, when many farmers had not finished harvesting their wheat.
Show answer

Answer: B. The original joins two sentences with only a comma (a comma splice). Turning the second part into a 'before' clause fixes this and shows how the events are linked. The last option has no main verb.

2. Choose the best version of this sentence:
Driving along the desert road, a herd of camels blocked our path.

  1. A
    Driving along the desert road, our path was blocked by a herd of camels.
  2. B
    A herd of camels, driving along the desert road, blocked our path.
  3. C
    Driving along the desert road, a herd of camels blocked our path.
  4. D
    While we were driving along the desert road, a herd of camels blocked our path.
Show answer

Answer: D. The camels were not driving. Giving the phrase its own subject ('we were driving') makes the meaning clear; the other versions still attach 'driving' to the camels or to 'our path'.

3. Choose the best version of this sentence:
The reason why the bridge collapsed was because its steel cables had corroded.

  1. A
    The reason why the bridge collapsed was because its steel cables had corroded.
  2. B
    The bridge collapsed because its steel cables had corroded.
  3. C
    The reason the bridge collapsed was due to the fact that its steel cables had corroded.
  4. D
    Because its steel cables had corroded is the reason why the bridge collapsed.
Show answer

Answer: B. 'The reason ... was because' gives the cause twice. Stating it once with 'because' is correct and concise.

More questions on this topic

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